Pondering

Recent events in my church remind me of my teen years.  The Equal Rights Amendment was being debated throughout the United States.  It sounded wonderful.  I knew also that early women in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had been suffragettes.

I had parents who felt and behaved as equals.  My mother had been a professional teacher for several years before her marriage and had become a professional mother.  My father had a career, but the major purpose of his work life seemed to be to support our family life and to help his extended family.  The idea that either of my parents was more important or more powerful was foreign to me.  “Not who’s right, but what’s right” was a family principle.  Faith in the Savior Jesus Christ, the perfect man who had humbly knelt to wash his disciples’ feet, filled our home.  

However, in the 1970s my church stated that it did not support the Equal Rights Amendment. I was confused.  Many arguments were advanced, but the only one that really made sense to me was that if women were considered completely equal under the law they would most likely be eligible for the draft.  (I didn’t even like PE class--or the idea of a mother going to war.)

I don’t know if it was just that idea or my personal relationship with God, but I kept pondering these things in my heart and while keeping my questions open aligned myself more with my church than the Equal Rights Amendment.

Looking back, I am grateful for both influences in my life.  The Equal Rights Amendment proponents made sure that I knew that I was every bit as capable and important as any man (something I had never doubted) and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints let me know that there were values more important than personal power and that I as a daughter of God and family ties were both eternally valuable. 

As a result of both these influences I have had a good life.  I stood my ground if anyone seemed to be encroaching on my free agency.  I married and had five marvelous children.  I enjoyed learning and exploring the world with my husband and these children. I kept involved enough in my profession to have a way back in when the time came. I developed new interests and kept up with current events. Of course, there were days of temper tantrums or chaos when I was discouraged and felt I wasn’t making any meaningful progress. My perpetually undone dishes are surely my passive aggressive “I’m too smart for housework” mentality.  Nevertheless, I was sustained by the knowledge that building a family was important. 

When all the world is running one direction, it is helpful to have some other points of view.  I am grateful that I had at least two points of view to triangulate from.  

If tomorrow the Prophet announces a revelation that the priesthood is given to all sexes, I'll be ready to serve. Right now, having a difference in tasks (not a difference in worth) within the church structure makes me think hard about what gender, equality, family, and power mean.  The debate makes me search the scriptures and seek out the Lord.  I'm still pondering.  I'm learning a lot along the way.